Memory Lane

Recently we celebrated my mom's 60th birthday. In preparation for the festivities we spend some time rifling through old photos looking for some real gems. I've posted some already. We found lots of pictures of my sister and I as babies, toddlers and young adults. Sister and I sat on the couch laughing our faces off at some of the pictures. (PS. Dear the 80s, what the hell?) We would look at pictures of Sara seeing the uncanny, yet obvious, similarities to her son. Their crying face, made face, happy face, content face. They were/are both adorable.


When I stumbled across my high school photos I could help but take a forced begruding walk down memory lane. It was like of like a bad YouTube cat video, you can't not watch it but giggle at the end because its kinda funny but that's 30 seconds of your life you'll never get back….anyway. Most of my high school photos were taken junior and senior year with my high school boyfriend, who seemed so much more than just that at the time. Most of the pictures were of dates, dances and family vacations together. I looked at pictures of me and hardly recognized myself or what I thought I looked like. I looked tired, unhealthy thin, sad. I had braces and bushy eye brows and speckled skin. I remember vividly the moments and thoughts/feelings when the photos were taken and today it is with mixed feelings I look at those photos.

I've got a personal favorite:

He's the one on the right. What a stud. Captain of the basketball team and the athletic physique to prove it. (I love how I'm totally objectifying him right now.) You'll note the absence of any photos of me because I don't need that kind of blackmail floating around on the interwebs.

I look at my life now and wish I could tell 16-19 year old me a few things. Such as:

1.) It will all be ok.

2.) Grades really don’t matter. Ever. At all. Please have more fun.

3.) Be nice to everyone even when you don't want to because they are probably struggling with the same shit you are. We all just manifest it differently.

4.) Not only will it be better than ok, it will be great.

5.) Let him go.

6.) You have no idea how awesome life is going to be. Trust me, it'll be better than you imagine.

7.) The cool kids really aren't that cool. Please care less and have more fun.

8.) Please do something about your eyebrows.

9.) You're not going to be married with kids by 30 so have a ridiculously great time in your 20s.

10.) No really, you're going to be just fine.

As I walked down pictoral memory lane I think about the high school boyfriend and what we had. Its mostly fond memories. I tend to believe we'd both be miserable if we were still together but I sometimes wonder what we might be like if our lives crossed paths today and our situations allowed more than friendship. I miss what we had what feels like ages ago. I look at those picture and think about how much I worried unnecessarily and how he saved my life, allowing me to be here today.

So moral of the story: don’t look at old photos when you're hormonal. You'll seep nostalgia, having flighting twinges of regret and remorse at the concept of hindsight. However, should you decide to do that, make sure your sister is next to you so you can laugh.so.hard.