Recent Posts

Wednesday, May 14, 2014


Today will be one of those days that goes into the history books as one of those days that just threw the hits and the hits kept coming.

While on my beautiful walk I get a text message for the guy I’ve been dating saying he doesn’t think we should continue to see each other.  A TEXT MESSAGE. From the guy who is “in a relationship” according to his facebook, but couldn’t tell me to my face. A guy who I was supposed to introduce to my mom tonight before going away for the weekend.  A guy who I’d spent the last couple months sleeping over Saturday nights and waking up Sunday and going for our walks to get coffee. Ya know, that guy. A TEXT MESSAGE.  Wham.

I haven’t even had my coffee yet and the universe threw a solid punch to the heart. 

 Oh but no, we were just warming up.

**Overshare warning** I get home from my walk a little nauseous and disoriented from what had just happened.  So much so I walked past my trusty café (a trusty café that would never break up with me via text message) and still didn’t get my cup of coffee. In the course of the morning my monthly visitor shows up 6 days late, on the exact same day I’m scheduled for my pre-vacation bikini wax. And because my lady books 6 weeks out and I leave in a week on my Swiss Adventure I can’t reschedule.  So, if you can imagine having your hair in your bikini region removed from the roots while your uterus, mere inches below churns in turmoil, for about 30 min is about as comfortable as it sounds.  Thanks universe for aligning oh so imperfectly on this day.

On these types of days, I’m so grateful for my friends and family.  My girlfriends who rally behind me, remind me of my value and worth, make me laugh, give me bars of real imported milk chocolate.  My guy friends know how exactly how to empathize and get into the pit of despair with me and hangout, validating that its ok to be hurt and that it is super shitty.

I’m so grateful for the work I’ve done to more easily let go, find the silver lining and move on.  There is so much goodness on the horizon that days like these slow me down a little and momentarily, but it’s full speed ahead to the next great steps.  
But today, I call "Uncle!"

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Playing Along

When I went for my routine annual physical exam I figured it’d be in spick-n-span shape, ready to carry on with my happy healthy little life.  Besides been told I need to lose 10-12 lbs to be considered in the “healthy” weight range, everything first looked fine.  Specimen of health.

Oh no, that was far too optimistic.  Blood results came back with elevated liver enzymes and all of sudden I can’t drink, take birth control, Tylenol, or vitamins/supplements.  (wheel screeching….S’cuse me?) Well, that’s shitty.  Add to the list of other things I shouldn’t have like dairy or wheat, I’m not sure what the point of living is anymore.  At least I had booze and sex as other ways to self-medicate instead of cake and ice cream.   But now this!? Totally unimpressed over here. 

So after a few rounds of blood tests and more inconclusive results, the doctor requested an ultrasound.  Sure, whatever, rub some jelly on my belly and take some blurry pictures. So in a waiting room of a lot of preggers and one homeless man, I played along and waited patiently for my ultrasound.

Do you know where your liver is?  It’s behind your ribcage, all protected from injury. I suspect that it’s because the Great Designer figured we’d destroy our livers from the inside, we should probably add extra efforts to protect from the outside. So when they want to do an ultrasound of your liver they get up into your ribcage and go poking around while telling you to hold your breath.  You know what else is there….YOUR LUNGS! You know what doesn’t feel good: trying to hold your breath when someone is jabbing at your ribcage. But fine, I kept playing along. 

But you know what, more inconclusive results, and I am not playing along anymore. Next step is a biopsy of the liver when/if the next ELEVEN blood results come back inconclusive.

My hot date tomorrow night has promised not to tell my doctor about that glass of wine I’m going to have.  That’s how I like to roll, living in a world of lies.