When it comes to New Years, I tend to feel fairly ambivalent, and even more so ambivalent towards resolutions. I do like how this time of year allows for time to slow down and reflect. It offers a time to reprioritize and examine the year just lived. I have spent the last 4 days doing such and have wrestled with a few reflections on the year past and what I look forward to.
I did a lot of firsts in 2010, I had a lot of successes and failures and opportunities for growth some of which I took advantage of and some I thought just too difficult to face. I was lonely. I was lost. I found what I was searching for. I learned my lesson, hopefully for the last time. I walked the beach with a dear friend, I ate like a queen. I missed my sister. I spent money I didn’t have and saved when I didn’t need really need to. I was skinny, I got less skinny.
I fell further in love with Seattle on a weekly basis, through every season. I was fearless and scared to death. I strengthened friendships and let go of others. I rocked out to great music and was sorely disappointed in some concerts (cough*KoL*cough). I finally was diagnosed and can manage my symptoms so as to not faint all willy-nilly like. I ate really good food and read really great books. I smooched a little and snuggled a lot.
I backpacked across Japan, zenned out with Buddist Monks in the mountains, traveled the west coast, played tourist in my own backyard, funployment vacationed on the Sunshine Coast, laughed and cried with my aunt. Only saw the BFF once this year. I triathaloned and rodeoed.
I woke up every day grateful for my family, friends and that I lived another day to participate in this life.
I don’t believe 2010 will strike me as overly monumental in my life (not like that craptacular wretched 2008) but I believe it will be a remembered as a year of gradual, slow painful growth leading up to the next great thing.
This year, in 2011, I’d like to discover my triceps maybe do 5 pull ups. Maybe do 10 real push ups. I’d like to forgive more and quicker, harbor less, learn quicker, fail faster, be healthier, acquire less. I’ll travel more and swear less.
But every day, I promise you this, I will wake up grateful I am here to spend this day with you in my life. I will come up short in expressing my gratitude for you in my life and for that I apologize. Every day I shall go to bed humbled and mindful of all that I have been given. Yes, that I will do.
In closing, I'd like to quote the BFF with her well wishes to me in her holiday card to me, "Let the year 2011 be a year in which you no longer repeat old patterns, in which you learn from the past, in which you gain insight and deeper understanding - in short - Let it be fabulous!"
And to you my friends.
Cheers.
