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Thursday, August 27, 2009

I'm Going to be Needing that Back

Because he knows the path straight to my heart:

C: i'm going to go get ready to face the day
me: ok, you do that. shaving?
C: should I?
me: ummm, no, i'm diggin' it for now
C: haha! yes! k, just let me know. when you give the word, its gone
me: ahhh, a girl can never hear that enough
C: and don't worry, i already did the dishes
me: and you just stole my heart. i'm going to be needing that back...
C: i'm sure i'll say/do something stupid soon enough.

Thursday, August 20, 2009

While you’re at it, here, take my soul, too.

I love my car. It’s probably the single greatest and worst purchase I’ve ever made. I brought it brand new. She’s red, she’s beautiful, she’s mine.

I’ve put 40k miles on her in less than 3 years. Like a good car-owner, I took her in for her regularly scheduled service. I take her to CampbellNelson’s because they are really great. I think the service guy called me 5 times just to give me an update. I think they love my car more than I do, which is great.

I went to go pick her up, and ladies and gentleman, I about had a heart attack. I about fell over. I about when into shock. All at the same time. I would have done all three at the same time but I couldn’t decide which to do first. Instead I nonchalantly handed over the Amex and had this conversation in my head:

Come again? $700.
Sorry, repeate por favor. $700.
Wait, I thought you just said $700.
Oh, you did say $700.
Well, while you’re at it, here, take my soul, too.

Conversation ended there. Sucked it up, signed on the dotted line…

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Off My Self-Entitled Pedestal...and Other Thoughts

-If I make it through my day without slitting my wrists I consider that a victory. Is that wrong?

-I feel like I’ve been having lots of moments where I think, “wow, I’m officially a grown up.” One such instance was this weekend went I went vacuum shopping. I just couldn’t bring myself to actually purchase one so instead I ate the most enormous ice cream cone because when you’re an adult you can do that too.

-Dear Brett Farve, Please stay in retirement, for once. At this point, it’s just greedy and annoying. Unless your salary is going to charity, then by all means…go for it.

-Things I won’t be doing tonight: Sitting by the phone waiting for his call. I’m not “that girl.”

-Jenn: The more I sit in a corporate job, the more entrepreneurial I get. Isn’t that funny?
Me: Ha! That’s a good way to channel your energy. I just get more grumpy and wallow in self-pity. I like you're option better

-Pep talk to myself: The sun’s out, you have great friends, family, 4 working appendages, a totally sweet car, a roof over your head, food on your table. Your issues are clearly first world problems so get the eff off your self-entitled pedestal and out of your funk.

Friday, August 14, 2009

Nanook of the North – Part 1 – The Family Time

While I realize I may look like an Eskimo, (they called me Princess Nanook of the North this winter…no joke.) I recently made a trip to Alaska to visit family and take in the great outdoors. It has been over 10+ years since I had been there last when Sara and I would spend a couple weeks out of the summer up there. This trip was specifically intended to see Grandma but I also got to meet and spend good time with other family. And what a great family it is.

The Grandma:Grandma’s memory may be fading but she’s still a firecracker. We’d laugh, tease, boost each others’ confidence with over the top compliments, share the gumdrop jar and laugh some more. We joke that as I’ve grown taller, she’s grown shorter and that I get my good looks from her. She’s the first person who taught me how to put make up on, sewed my first doll with me, never covered our ears when she swore (still doesn’t), gives pearls of wisdom like, “marry for money” and “it’s ok to steal restaurant bathroom plants if its ‘dying.’” She believes God hasn’t called her to heaven yet because 1.) He’s enjoying his break from having her with Him and is not ready to have to her back yet, or 2.) He’s punishing her and then she stops and says, “oh who am I kidding, I’m going straight to hell.” Which, we know she’s not because she is generous, kind, honest, and a great grandmother. She may not have always made perfect decisions but she has lived a life of hardship and blessings that allow her the perspective and understanding of those around her. I love who she is and what she represents.

Cousin Daedra and Kevin have 2 beautiful daughters, Dareena and Milena who are excellent examples of laughing with child-like wonder and practicing patience. Dareena, at 9 years old, is smart, confident, poised and responsible. Milena is a beauty with a mischievous smile and eyelashes movie stars would pine over. She’s curious, adventurous and an instigator of trouble. Together they are exhausting, energizing and hilarious. At times my favorite game was Quiet Game followed second by Still Game. At other times, their personalities would just shine through and you couldn’t be mad at them. I loved when Milena first met me she introduced herself and her sister no less than 50 times and then would ask me what my name was. Or when her Aunt Alicia told Milena she could eat whatever she wanted (like grandma) when she was 70. She thought real hard about that and that response seemed to placate her and she’s go about her merry way. Or when Dareena showed me her book on Egypt asking me questions about it or when she would tell me that, “If I wanted to see what the inside of a rock looked like she would break it for me. Just ask.” Daedra has the patience of a saint and the sense of humor to make you laugh just because she’s laughing. Her husband Kevin is so great and I’ll show you why in the next post.

I stayed most of the trip at Aunt Karen’s house, which, hello, heated floors, brilliant. She was the hostess with the mostest! Bed with one of those heavenly tempramedic mattress pads, a beautiful bathroom to my own, wifi access, and car when I needed it; what more could a girl want on vacation?! Karen and I eat very similarly so for breakfast we feasted on slow cooked oatmeal covered with vanilla coconut milk yogurt and fresh blueberries (my new favorite). For dinners we had red curry brussell sprouts smothered over steaming rice. Tea in the morning with cinnamon toast from the local bakery and fresh baked cake from a Chinese bakery in Anchorage made it quite certain I wasn’t going to go hungry. For being retired, she is an active artist, takes care of grandma, is constantly doing stuff with the grandkids and for just turning 62 she certainly doesn’t look it. I hope the youthful gene runs in the family.

Alicia and Devin: It had been the longest since I’ve seen Alicia and I had never met her son Devin. I think Alicia is an inspiration as a young breast cancer survivor now working to bring awareness to breast cancer. Watching her and her son interact makes me hope that I have a relationship like theirs.

They all went way above and beyond to make me feel welcome and made my vacation so enjoyable. Love, hugs and gratitude to them all.

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Tired Old Hen

-Dear Tall-Non-fat Milk Chocolate Hot Chocolate from Dilettante, You warm my body and soul. Thank you.

-I’m still lactose intolerant. And it still blows.

-I said to my neighbor, “Thanks for joining us, glad you could make it, good to see you.” That all was a bold face lie. Sorry for being a liar. Consider this my repentance.

-I totally love the color I got my toes painted. This makes me hope there are pedicures in heaven.

-Boss Man: (shouting from his office) Hey, I really need to get ready for this Stonefire trip today.
Me: (shouting back) Ok, do you want to chat about it?
Boss Man: No, not really.
Me: Cool, thanks for sharing. (Glad we had this talk.)

-May have stayed out too late and had too much fun last night. Paying for it today. Not the young spring chicken I used to be. More of a tired old hen.

-As I was getting ready after the gym I made a list of things that I missed about being a kid. It basically boiled down to snack time, nap time, and wearing pajamas. I really wanted to put my pajamas on after my work out, but instead, I’m in a high-waisted pencil skirt, high heels, and a button down cardigan. Certainly, not pajamas.

Carrying My Giant Plate of Salad for Breakfast this Morning:
K: You on a strict diet?
Me: No, I was just craving a salad for breakfast because I’m crazy (I really was)
K: Well, whatever you’re doing its starting to work.

(“Starting to work”!?!? Mother effer, I’ve been busting my ass for 2.5 years now, have lost 30lbs, and it’s just now, starting to work? Thanks………………………)

-I need to take a vacation where I do absolutely nothing but sit and read. That sounds lovely.

-Dear Cube Neighbor: Do you ever realize how incredibly insensitive you sound? Just curious…

Conversation Via Gchat regarding this guy I just met:
Jennifer: WHERE on earth did u meet this guy?? You inadvertently left that detail out
me: You'll never believe me.....camping....
Jennifer: What? Why? What?
me: I went camping, well, sort of
Jennifer: why would u do that?

Or this one:

me: omg, no wonder men think we're crazy. Because we are.
Jennifer: hahaha, women are crazy, but guys are stupid. That’s just how it goes
and we're crazy because they're stupid
me: I love your logic
Jennifer: its completely true

Ok, team, I’m off to Alaska for the next few days, returning Tuesday night, and will hopefully have something more substantial to blog about than my ridiculous thoughts.

Cheers, heart, hugs, etc.

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hey Mr. DJ, Put A Record On

Recently, I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships, and more specifically heartbreak. Maybe because B3 got married last weekend. Maybe because a dear friend of mine had her heart broken by her cheating boyfriend. Maybe because a good friend of mine and I are both in situations of unrequited love that makes you feel like you’re crazy, undesirable, and flawed (I’m sure we aren’t the only two). Maybe because it’s the middle of wedding/anniversary season which makes an unattached person very aware of one’s singleness. Either way, it’s been on my mind.

Here’s the really crappy crux about the demise of a relationship: we can’t always escape it. It happens to everyone to is willing to put themselves in the situation. And that it’s bittersweet. Bitter in the sense that heartbreak really blows. But potentially very sweet in that we have a great opportunity to grow from that. Lord knows how much I grew from the last one and I would not be in (amazing) place that I am without it.

When it comes to the matter of the heart, nothing is logical. When trying to rationalize why things happen, how long its going to hurt, what was he/she thinking, or why do I care so much, I decided that there are lots of answers and also no real answers at all. The best way I’ve come to navigate through the mess of it is to become emotionally numb. Healthy, I know. However, during moments of revived feeling, I find music can really initiate a pendulum of emotions. With that, I have created 2 music playlist depend on which end of the spectrum you are feeling at any particular moment.

Here’s my list, please feel free to contribute yours. A lot of these have personal connections to past relationships, so they might not rip your heart open like it does me, but you get the drift.

“Wollowing in Self- Pity” List:

Trouble – Coldplay
The Scientist - Coldplay
Turpentine - Brandi Carlile
Wasted Time – The Eagles
Realize – Colbie Caillat
You’ll Remember – Patty Griffin
You’ve Got A Lot of Growing Up to Do – Joshua Radin
Come on Get Higher – Matt Nathanson
Where I Stood – Missy Higgins
Anyone Else But You – Moldy Peaches
She’s only happy in the sun – Ben Harper
Picture – Sheryl Crow/Kid Rock
Feels like Home – Chantal Kreviazuk
I Can’t Make You Love Me – Bonnie Raitt
Cannonball - Damien Rice
Hallelujah – Jeff Buckley version
Gravity – Sarah Bareilles
Good Bye Lover – James Blunt
White Horse – Taylor Swift
Round Here – Counting Crows
The Dance – Garth Brooks
Love Song – Billie Burke Estate
Was I The Only One – Jordan Sparks
And of course, Skinny Love – Bon Iver

“Eff You D-bag, I’m Awesome” List:

Pocket Full of Sunshine – Natasha Bettingfield
Stronger Woman – Jewel
I Don’t Ever Give Up – Patty Griffin
Independent Women – Destiny’s Child
Wedding Day – Rosie Thomas
Say, Hey – I love you – Michael Frantini
Ok is All Right by Me – Eric Hutchinson
Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
Be Somebody – Kings of Leon
Dem Jeans – Flo Rida (*warning*-parent advisory! so inappropriate)
Rock Yo Hips – Crime Mob (*warning*-parent advisory! so inappropriate)
Beautiful Day- U2
It’s My Life – Bon Jovi
Stronger – Kanye
Shout Out Loud – Amos Lee
Check on It – Beyonce
Get Me Bodied – Beyonce
Enough Crying – Mary J Blige
Wavin’ Flag – K’naan

There you have it. Enjoy.

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

"Can I Ask You A Personal Question?" and Other Insights

Sometimes I use my desk as drums which likely annoys my neighbor. I might turn to country music next just to really make things comfy. Given the circumstances, I couldn’t care less.

Regarding our recent heat wave: Right, no such thing as global warming. I’m sure this is just God really pissed off at us.

I find I get more compliments when I wear less make up. Weird.

I know I will have “made it” in the world when a YouTube Video of me dancing spreads like wildfire and I will be an overnight celebrity for my ridiculously awesome dance moves. A girl can dream.

From the weekend:
A: Can I ask you a personal question, and you don’t have to answer it?
Me: Uhh, sure.
A: Are those Capri pant tan lines on your calves?

I have almost 1100 emails in my inbox at work. This makes my head want to explode. I generally keep it to about less than half that.

I’m going to get a mani/pedi with my mom after work today. Hopefully that will turn the day around.
I’m going to Gregg’s cycles for a tune up (and eye candy) after work today. Hopefully that will turn my day around.
I’m going to get a hot fudge sundae after work today. Hopefully that will turn my day around.

Things that are unnecessary: “Inspirational” quotes used in professional email signature. I understand it if your company has a tag line and you use that. But, for example, I got an email from a sales guy that in his signature line has, “Have a great day! It’s your choice!” Ummm, I disagree and don’t get all pushy on me…please.

Monday, August 3, 2009

Won't You Be My Neighbor?

I wish everyone had a cube neighbor like mine. It would make the work place so much better. She tells the best stories about her son, Bixby, who is also adorable. She also brings tons of food and is always sharing which my soul appreciates by my waistline does not. We’ll call her “CB” here to protect her identity. Here are a few highlights of our conversations:

CB: Modern technology has replaced wizardry.

CB: I thought about never teaching my kid the word “mom,” instead teaching him, “Shera” so that when he’s looking for me he just yelling “Shera!” “Shera!” “Sheeeerrraaaaa!”

CB: Smooth move exlax
Me: *laughed out loud*

Me: Do you know I have an irrational fear of bats?
CB: Do you know I have an irrational fear of giants and dinosaurs, (long thoughtful pause)…..of which yours will probably be more realized than mine.

Me: I’m so hungry
CB: Do you want a croissant?
Me: (stare of contempt)
CB: Uh, Um, I mean carrot stick?

CB: Cara, sometimes when I stand next to you I feel like I have to suck my stomach in.

CB: Why aren’t there chocolate chip cookies here all the time…seriously.

Me: Cait, I’m going to miss you when you move.
CB: Did you just tell a bold face lie?

CB: I love that we look at the same blogs. It makes me feel less alone in my life.

CB has now moved to the other side of the building so our conversations will be reduced to passing in the halls and gchat. She will be missed on this side but knows she is in a happier place. I tip my hat to her brilliance and extend my deepest gratitude to her for being who she is. Thanks CB.