As I stared out the window watching the snow fall on my first white Christmas, my thoughts drifted to Christmas pasts. One in particular came to mind where “White Christmas” took a different form and reminded me that this in fact was not in fact the first time I had been given a white Christmas. Nine years ago, my best friend/soon-to-be Boyfriend 1 (B1) gave me one of the best gifts I’ve ever received: A White Christmas Yankee Candle. Trivial, minimal and inconsequential to any observer but to me it meant the world. He knew how badly I always wanted a white Christmas and never had one, and there, like a Christmas miracle, I held it in the palm of my hands.
I hold that memory very near. He gave me something I never had and could never give to myself. It wasn’t the white Christmas I had pictured, or the white Christmas that displays in department store windows or is printed on thousands of greeting cards, but it was the best white Christmas.
We haven’t talked in over a year but I think about him this Christmas day and am filled with gratitude for all the he’s done for me. I still consider him to be the best friend I’ve ever had. This Christmas, may you be blessed with gifts of friendship, kindness, forgiveness, love and the capacity to receive it all. May you be so lucky to hold your “white Christmas” in your hands, whatever it may be.
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