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Friday, October 1, 2010

Friday Night Fireside

My seeming absence from the blogosphere should not be associated with a lack of things to blog about. Because boy-howdy do I have things to blog about. And maybe a few things I want to blog about but to protect the innocent, I won't (nudge-nudge wink-wink).

There has been a lot going on. More birthdays/parties than you'd think humanly possible. Accepting a full time permanent job offer, living in West Seattle temporarily, lack of sleep and exercise, etc. Really great things are happening, really tough things are happening. Feeling really close to some people and really distant from others (in some cases wishing it were the opposite). Lots of good decisions being made, lots of poor decisions being made. This pendulum swing of really great to really not great has perhaps caused a roller coaster effect that has driven me to want to jump track for smoother tracks, but I just can't kick the habit. 

Which all leads to me to believe that what is lacking is a sense of balance.  I feel like BFF is always yelling at me about this. I have an uncanny ability to just put the throttle to the ground and take off, in every sense of my life. I have always operated in the all or nothing, go big or go home mentality.  But in my wiser years, and I come to an understanding that perhaps this isn't the healthiest approach to most things.  

Because in reality, going big or going home is often a catalyst for stepping on the gas and pushing things faster and wanting things sooner than they should happen.  

I am deliberately being vague here but the reality is that the details are irrelevant.  What is important is recognizing that I am wickedly unbalanced and what I need to do is nourish the relationship that are healthy, let go of the ones that aren't and be able to identify which is which.  Taking care of my health and body which has been suffering the most needs to be a priority and finding a way to feel comfort in quiet stillness, rather than be distracted by cleverly disguised chaos.

I'm tired, running on fumes which is perhaps (definitely) contributing to a heightened sense of vulnerability and hyper-emotion tonight, but it's at least honest and authentic, which is more than I can say about some things in my life.  

So cheers to reflective Friday nights in front of the fire on a fall evening.   

3 comments:

Cupcake said...

west seattle? we should hang out. i'm just across that stupid bridge.

Molly B said...

thank you for blogging again - consider me a fan!

Miss C said...

Cupcake - We should always hang out, regardless of bridges, no matter how stupid they are.

M - I do this for you.

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