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Monday, April 15, 2013

Vulnerability Hangover

Vulnerability hangover:  That feeling you feel the next day when you let all sort of crazy out. 

For the first time in a long time I was really into someone.  So much so he didn’t even have a fake name, he had one of those real names. I didn’t blog about him and make him some caricature in my life. He was a real person.  I didn’t want to jinx it.

He said he’d be here for as fast or as slow as I wanted to go.

He said that I’m pretty great and deserve to hear it.

He said, "I certainly don’t want to invite any trouble, but don’t be nervous.  And on the off chance it wasn’t apparent, you don’t make me nervous, but you do make me feel like all the decisions I made that led to me being single when we met weren’t nearly as foolish as I used to think they were.  I am excited to have found you."  

He asked how soon could we go away for the weekend. Just him and I.

He said a lot of really nice things that restored my faith in meeting someone I am supposed to be with.
I said I'm in. When I returned this weekend I said I missed him and that's when I knew I wanted it to be real.  I told him that I needed to go slow. I told him I know I could be the person he could depend on.  I told him I wanted to know him more, just as much as I wanted him to know me more.   

Then he said he didn’t know what it was like to be in a real relationship.  He said, he had no doubt that I could be the person he could depend on but that he didn’t know if he could be the person I could depend on.  He told me he was about the pursuit but when it came to the real relationship he didn’t know what that looked like. He said he’d never been in a relationship longer than 6 months. Then he said that he just wanted to tell me his issues now so that I knew what I was getting myself into.  Which we all know is code for so that way when it ends you can’t blame me because I told you so.  Then he asked for my email and left. Unresolved and open ended.


Talk about having the rug pulled out from under you and then run over by a MAC truck.  Frick. 

Hangovers are the worst. 


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