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Sunday, March 13, 2011

Exhaustion = Vulnerability = This

Well, its been an roller coast 3 nights where I've slept very little and thought an awful lot. Between the earthquake/tsunami in Japan, late night talks with a friend, early morning rides to the airport, and my sister having a kid (more on this later), I've reach a new level of exhaustion making me uncharacteristically vulnerable.

So what I want to talk about at this wee hour is relationships. Well, break ups in particular. 

Whenever I go through a break up, I have an irresistible urge to clean, sort and organize.  And let's just say today I did A LOT of laundry. 

During my self-prescribed 24 hours of wallowing, I have has some time to think and gathered the following tidbits that resonated with my mildly bruised heart/ego.

I keep reading these feeling inspired, hopeful and reassured. 

From Skinny Bitch:

"Recognize that anything worth having is worth fighting for: Good health, vitality, more energy, more confidence, better sex, great abs, a tight ass – you either want them or you don’t….Certainly your health and body and you are more important than anything else in your life. You are worthless to your colleagues, friends and family if you do not value yourself to take excellent care of you. Yes you have to put yourself before your friends, parents, boyfriend, husband, and even your children. It won’t make you a bad daughter or wife or mother; it will make you less stressful, more confident, interesting, beautiful, patient, tolerant and fun person to be around. Your bright shining light will give everyone around you the permission and inspiration to shine more brightly. Love yourself enough to do whatever it takes to be the best you you can be."

"...Fix other areas of your life. After all, there’s no point in being gorgeous if your life is a mess. End your co‐dependent relationship, quit your dead end job, and ditch your toxic friends. Make a list of goals and start chipping away at them. THIS IS YOUR LIFE! Live it to the fullest with reckless abandon. Seize the day. And do it again tomorrow. Live. Get your dream job. Search for your dream man. Fear nothing. Try everything. Be excited. You’ll never get yesterday back, but today is yours for the taking. Make it great."

And from this article:

"The truth is that every relationship you have is a direct reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. If you don't have unconditional love and respect for yourself, there is no way that you can expect it from someone else, which is quite often why you will settle for less."

I have faith that one day I'll be enough for someone.  That someone will feel inclined to believe that I'm worth sticking around for.  Someone that encourages, loves and inspires me.  I have no doubt he exists.  And until we meet, I'll go ahead an keep working on improving the one relationship that isn't going anywhere: the one with myself.


Molly B said...

dear cara
hang in there.
my mom used to have this story about apples at the top of the tree. the moral of the story was that when you're an apple at the top sometimes it's seems frustrating watching the apples on the ground or lower branches get picked - or you start thinking something is wrong with you/the apple - but it's just a matter of keeping perspective that the right person is the one willing to climb up to reach you.
I probably butchered the story, but hopefully you get the intent :)
sending hugs from pdx,

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