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Sunday, June 2, 2013


Because I like to jump right into new adventures, we took off on the bike this weekend for quite awhile. As in nine hours. And in the course of that time we circumnavigated Mt. Rainier going over mountain passes, along country roads, through po-dunk hick towns (who are very big fans of the confederate flag), along rivers, over the bridges and through national forests. We picnicked in the forest then got right back on and kept riding.

As we rode I saw things so differently.  A bald eagle flew over and it seemed so close.  We hugged corners and turns and just as you think you won't come up, you do. You go 95 mph to pass cars and trucks and semis and you think if you just keep going faster you might break some sort of dimension. You are so detached from the world and all the should be doings and the rat race and the not good enough and the constant going, doing, achieving.

When I'm on the back of that bike, arms around him holding on, I have inexplicable trust in him (Side note: this isn't just a breezy sentence to be glossed over, I inherently trust no one explicitly, so this is fascinating).  I think at the root of that trust is that I'm not in control in any fashion. Whatsoever. Maybe the every day feeling of needing to be in control in my own life is so burdensome (and not having anyone to share that burden with) that when I am in the complete lack of control, and thus burden-less, it so refreshing and a type of release that I had yet to know. Until now. In those moments when we ride I some how let it all go, and not necessarily handed it over to him, but given it up to the universe to just say, hold on a sec...please excuse me while I let this all go for a few hours.

As we rode into the sunset, me holding a little extra tight, I thought to myself, this life, my life, feels a little bit like a movie and its pretty friggin' sweet.

The man and the mountain.

As we walked into the apartment after the long day, I felt the control come back, the burden come back.  I felt all the worry about mom, and stress of work, and the cleaning to be done, and the events and trips to be planned, all that weight come back.  It was all I could do to not walk right back out that door and keep going.  


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