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Tuesday, February 4, 2014

From the Beginning

It was brought to my attention that I did not do a single post in the month of January.  I can confirm that this is true.  The great thing is that there is lots to write about and lots of stories to tell.  Mostly around men, football and life.  But when is it not about these things really?  So let’s start from the beginning.

New Year’s Eve

Here’s the thing about NYE: It’s really not all that bad.  This year I spent a quiet evening with a dear friend.  We went to St. Marks which allows for the appropriate amount of time to reflect on the past, think about the future and then skedaddle on out for celebrations.  It’s a beautiful scared space that I look forward to go to every year.  After St. Marks we head to Luc, a cute little place on the back side of Capitol Hill that welcomed us in with open, happy bartender arms.  There were delicious cocktails, scrumptious food, midnight toast with favors, hats and champagne. And despite the heinousness that was traffic to get home, it was all around the a good way to end the year. 

If you haven’t been to the labyrinth, it is truly an incredible experience.  It’s a path that you walk and then get to the center, spend as much time as you want there.  When you’re done, you walk out. Easy-peasy. This year on the walk to the center I thought about the year past (2013) and was overcome with the sense of the truest form of happiness and incredible gratitude. It was truly the best year of my life.  As I approached the center of the labyrinth, I could feel my heart begin to flutter.  I could feel that I was about to leave 2013 behind me and walk toward 2014.  And I didn’t like it.  On the way out of the labyrinth I thought about the future and I felt anxiety, uncertainty and concern all on a very physical level. My heart hurt and fluttered.  At that point I couldn’t imagine how much better life could get.  And why would I want that to end?  Why would I want that to end and walk toward a year of the great unknown. The “unknown”….that’s scary.

When I was talking about it with my friend right after I was overwhelmed with deep emotion and moved to tears talking about all the goodness that 2013 had given me and the fear of the future that was scary.  I’ve never quite had this feeling so I’m not sure what has been the impetus or why these new feelings had arisen but I’m wrestling with them now, and that’s ok. 

So, 2014 is here.  I don’t know that I’m ready but that’s entirely irrelevant so my exercise now is channeling that anxiety into productive activity.  Or sit at home and eat my feelings.  Either/or.
Stay tuned!   


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