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Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Lipstick. In 2 parts.

Part the First:

When the BFF came to visit last time her visit coincided with my semi-annual hair cut.  With my hair did and make up on I strutted my stuff for a night out on Capital Hill. We hit up Wild Rose (Seattle's only les bar) and Ilsa stakes claim to saving me from a close encounter of the female kind. 

A few weeks later we were chatting and she say, "You know what C, you're actually kind of hot when you take care of yourself." 

A questionable, "Thanks?" I think was my response.

But she was making a subtle point.  And I got her point. 

90% of the time I throw my wet hair up in a messy bun, may or may not put my contacts in, and pick up an outfit off my floor that passes the smell/wrinkle test. Scribble on some make up only if I'm in a meeting with people  or have to greet VIP guests.  I regularly felt like a first class shulb.

It was time for a change.

Part the Second:

The BFF also said to me: You know, I had an epiphany for you. You've been in abusive relationships for the last 6 years, and one in particular for ten years.  When are you going to stop? 

This was in the midst of a situation with a friend of mine who did something that I was really hurt by.  Instead of dismissing my feelings about how he hurt me and excusing him of his behavior (like would usually for anybody) I decided to cease talking to him until I was ready to commit to having a constructive conversation. This meant owning my feelings and processing those in my own time.  His friendship meant enough to me to take the steps to reconciliation.  For two weeks we didn't chat but he knew our friendship was not ok and he made it know that he was ready to talk when I was. 

We set a time to have the difficult conversation and in a space of clear thought and love and forgiveness, we reconciled.

What does this mean?

So in that last 3 weeks I've committed to myself to rock it.  Own it.  Let go. Look slammin'. 

Hair, big bold waves or sleek updo - check.

Invest in heart to hearts and people - check.

Bold lipstick, flawflessly finished face and defined long lashy eyes - check.

Own hard conversations and commit to having them if they matter - check.

Wear outfits that keep me confident and classy sassified - check.

Remove myself from relationship that make me feel inadequate - check.

Donate clothes to small and shoes too tall or old -check.

Walk tall and confident - check. 

Daily, people see me, stop, ask me what's different and conclude it's the lipstick. I say thanks, that must be it, and know deep down I know it's so much more than lipstick. But a little never hurt anyone.

MAC Diva - secret weapon of choice


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