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Thursday, May 21, 2009


I generally want to stay away from blogging about the workplace but today was one of those days that didn’t go quite right but it was totally awesome at the same time. There has been a lot going on because when busy season ends, our real busy season picks up. I’ve been more tired, working at a higher awareness, intensity and engagement that is energizing and draining at the same time (particularly more some days than others).

Bossman was in the middle of closing a deal which was suppose to close yesterday but lawyers were involved and making the process as painful as possible so it was delayed a day. The client is a great client but at the same time going 100 mph and a bit scattered when it comes to this financial business. The deal finally closed today. A-men.

In the midst of this transaction Bossman and I needed to eat so we left with no specific destination, like we usually do. He’s really good at taking me places that are quintessentially Seattle and places that I’ve never been either. Today we did Matt’s in The Market. The restaurant and meal deserve a post in itself (perfect atmosphere, delicious ginger-carrot-cream soup with roasted peppers sandwich, excellent service, etc.)

But the heart of this day came on the walk to lunch. Bossman says to me, “What’s happened to you? You’re like a whole new person, you’ve been doing amazing, really engaged…(blahblahblah). I responded with some answer about opportunities presenting themselves that have allowed be to grow and take responsibility for things, to try things, screw them up, try them again, etc. Something along those lines. But then I paused, thought, looked him in the eye and matter of factly said, “I’m fearless.”

A few months ago my best friend challenged me to be brave. At the time I wasn’t quite ready but since then I’ve made the conscious effort to be braver, stronger. But the reality is that I watched other people act fearless. My best friend quit her job in NYC and left the city to start an organic farm in Central Massachusettes. My sister left the comforts of home to live with her husband in Japan who is now deployed and she lives there alone. My mom conquered her fear of water, taught herself to swim at the age of 55 and gets up at 4:00 am every day to go swimming and has been for 2 years no matter how tired or how much she is hurting. I watched this group of 8 women chose life for their children and against all odds are going to make the best they absolutely can of everything inspite of everything. So while I watched these people over the last couple months I didn’t consciously think about what they were doing as acts of fearlessness/courage/bravery but I found that when I did surround myself with these people, my story relative to theirs needed more acts of bravery, more acts of kindness, more acts of courage, more acts of something else besides what I was doing.

Granted, a lot has happened in the past couple months that I believe were quintessential to who I will be for the rest of my life. Personally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, etc. A lot of it I can’t even articulate it but when I got back from The Farm I knew life would be different. I was on the path with an energy that was crescendoing to something bigger. Not sure what that is yet, but here I am….fearless.


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