Ways to completely destroy self esteem

When you need to check your ego to any of the following things (individually or collectively):

-Eat s’mores and ice cream for a weekend. This also simultaneously destroys your stomach.
-Jump rope in front of a mirror. Regular, high knees, side to side, your choice.
-Squeeze into a pair of riding shorts.
-Swim next to a tri-athlete
-Try to be clever and funny but come off sounding neither.

Did I say jump rope in front of a mirror? Gross.